The Story Everyone's Asked About

It seems that the idiocy of teenagers comes in waves. They seem to share an internal "let's be stupid" alarm that is very well synchronized. There may be weeks without much ado in the school, and then one week where their alarms all go off, and their collective stupidity, laying silently dormant, explodes onto the scene.

There was one such week in October. On one Friday, I gave a test to my Algebra II students. Some of them thought it was particularly hard, and a couple stayed after the period to finish it. One of them, the main character in this story, who has been dubbed Giggity by my friends, has his stupid alarm go off early, and he decides it's a good idea to speak on his cell phone. Everyone knows that cell phones are not allowed on a normal basis, but during a test, any cell phone use is immediately considered cheating. I say, "Giggity, what the hell are you doing?"
Giggity looks at me and has a mixed look of honest "What do you want?" and indignant "What's your problem?" I say, "You know that any cell phone use during a test makes the test a zero." He angrily replies, "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" Clearly I take his test and refer him to the office.

Upon coming into work the following Monday, I found out there was a fight at a party that Friday night between two students that landed one of them in the hospital.

Then during lunch on Monday, there was another fight, this time in school. This one occurred between the school's star athlete (a major headcase, and the same all-around prick who challenged me in class the first day of school) and a really good kid who suffered an amazing tragedy right before school started, when he witnessed his twin brother drowning. I know very little details on that fight, but certainly both kids don't need much to put them in a throwing-fists state of mind.

After school on Monday, Giggity stops into my room, and apologizes for his compound idiocy on Friday. He and I have a conversation about what it means to make good decisions, and I left feeling as if we had made some progress in his overall growth.

That was Monday.

Tuesday morning, there was an in-school student-to-student blowjob. This was not subtly done in a bathroom, instead this was performed in a small out-cove of a hallway. And they were caught by another student.
Now, having had such a (what I felt to be) productive conversation with Giggity the day before, I was surprised (but, in retrospect, not really) that Giggity was the recipient of the fellatio.
The fallout of the BJ produced two more fights over the next couple days. The first of which happened that afternoon, and was between the girl who found herself on her knees that Tuesday morning and the (very recent) ex-girlfriend of Giggity. That fight happened to be broken up by the same teacher who broke up the headcase fight the day before, and left all the teenage boys drooling over the idea of a cat-fight.

That was Tuesday.

Wednesday afternoon, I'm teaching my sixth period class and I see Giggity walk past my door. Nothing abnormal about that, but given the past couple days' of activity, my radar was up. All of 20 seconds later, I see him walk back in the other direction, and stop. Very shorty after that, I hear shouting in the hallway. I stop myself mid-sentence and rush out of my room, leaving my class alone, where I see Giggity and this girl (the one who caught him receiving the BJ) standing all of 5 inches from each other's face shouting at each other:
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"Why the fuck are you spreading rumors about me?"
"Rumors? You know what you did!"
"What the FUCK?!"
"What are you gonna do about it, pussy?"
"I want to punch you in the fucking face!"
Poetry. Pure poetry.

Apparently what happened was that Giggity, when walking back to his class, caught the eye of Queen Tell-All, who was sitting in her class. She made a gesture as if to say, "What are you gonna do?" to which he responded by flipping her off. She immediately got up and bolted out of her room and the shouting commenced. They were both suspended (since no teacher caught the act, he was punished for his language, and not for receiving the other tongue-lashing).

The aftermath of this among teachers I found pretty amusing. Everyone remembers the days of high school gossip and rumors and "What have you heard? I 'know' this..." It turns out that the teachers are as bad (and in often cases, much worse) than the students are when it comes to spreading gossip. I had several teachers come up to me and say, "So what do you know? Is it true?"
Waaaiiit a sec here... aren't we supposed to be the adults in this situation?

But of course, behind closed doors, the blowjob jokes amongst the teachers didn't end for weeks. A while after that week had ended, we were sitting at lunch and the music director was going through some scores as she was trying to pick some songs for the choir to sing. Reading the title of one, she chuckled and without saying anything, tossed it on the table for all of us to view. It was called, "Mouth Music."

As I mentioned before, high schoolers are a never-ended source of free entertainment.