Grading

I don't like grading. It's a pain in the ass.

I understand (as do most people) the point in doing homework, and taking tests. It is important to take time to reinforce new material. It is important to check-up that said material has been retained, particularly when dealing with a cumulative subject such as math.

However, it can appear that homework often doesn't accomplish all of its goals. If students are to do a set of problems to reinforce some mathematical concepts, naturally it would be beneficial for them to receive as detailed feedback as possible so they can learn from their mistakes. But when faced with a stack of 80 pages of collected homework, each with 20 questions on them (making 1600 problems to check, for you non-math people out there), the idea of giving quality feedback is amazingly daunting. And, for all practical purposes, impossible.

So what to do? Since I can't go through every single one of the 1600 problems which are done nightly, I check a few per page. If the student has done all the problems, they get a check mark (full credit) for the assignment. That seems to work pretty well, except when some of my conscience asks the obvious question of fairness: "How can I ask students to spend anywhere between 10-30 minutes on homework nightly, if I'm only going to spend a handful of seconds reviewing their work?" Being an engineer, I am convinced there has to be a better way.

I'm not a person focused solely on the ends. As I regularly remind my students, the process matters. In other words, I require them to show their work. If they have the wrong answer, but their work is spot-on (except for absent-mindedly changing a 2 to a 3, or a + sign to a - sign), they will get most credit. If their thought process is off, or I can't see their thought process on paper, they will lose most credit.
The way I have explained my reasoning for this to my students is to ask, "Who here has ever walked up a flight of stairs?" Naturally everyone has. "And who here has climbed a flight of stairs, but when you've gotten to the top step, you thought there was another step, so you half-trip on a step that isn't there? Which is immediately followed by the a quick look around to see if there was anyone who was looking?"

One nice thing about grading is that I can do it at my leisure. Which means while watching TV. Or drinking a beer. Or wine... which has caused more than one "Oh crap!" moment as my drink has been spilled on students' work. (see The Simpsons: "I got a 'B'!" "No, Ralph. That's an 'F'. I must have spilled some Kahlua.")

I've been asked whether I grade things differently depending on the student. While of course, the official answer is no, the more accurate response is that I try not to. But it's hard. Students who come for extra help, who work their asses off but still can only muster a 59 on a test - sure, I find a way to bump them up to a passing grade. And sure, if the smart-ass in the class ends up with a potentially explosive grade like, say... 69, I find another point to give or take away.

It's hard for me when I want so badly for my struggling students to succeed. I find myself over eager to grade their tests first. (And then sometimes feel really bad for the kids when they have failed to reach a half-decent grade.)
Naturally the converse is true too, so that there are times when I see other students' work on the top of the pile which I immediately put on the bottom, muttering to myself, "Yea, I don't have the patience to grade your work right now."

I find that I talk to my students when grading their tests.
"What the hell are you thinking?"
"Why, why, why did you do that?"
"Oh Jeebus, you too make that same mistake?"
It's often no wonder why I find myself heading into the kitchen for a glass of something alcoholic to wash down the horrid mistakes my students have made.

So all in all, grading is a pain. But fortunately this pain can be eased with TV, frequent breaks, food and drink.

Downtime

At night, and my internal daily news show is running, recapping the high- and low-lights of the day runs, I have found myself frustrated at what shows up.

The good kids - the ones who come in and do their work quietly and respectfully - rarely cross my mind. It's the pricks, the ones who felt it their duty to be obnoxious, disrespectful, and otherwise a pain in the ass whose antics are run over and over and over and over again in my head.

To be fair, I have a far more good kids than bad. And even the so-called "bad" ones really aren't bad. Generally kids who act up will have their good days, and things will be smoothed over, as we both get a broader picture of each other. However, there are a few kids I've had run-ins with who I don't have in class, and that's unfortunate, because we have limited interactions upon which to base our opinions of each other.

I really enjoy my job. I have great coworkers, and, contrary to some of the bitching I have done (and will continue to do) on here regarding some of the idiots which cross my path daily, I have great students. Out of the 120 or so students I have (and have had) in class, I have open issues with 3 of them. Not bad at all. So why do the conflicts stick out in my head, while the good kids are nowhere to be seen?

Free Entertainment

One of the best pieces of advice a teacher gave me after I was pretty angry with one particular moron was, "Look at the kids as a form of entertainment. Don't take what they do all that seriously, or personally." That was outstandingly helpful.

Some gems from my students:
Gumby: "Mr. Eyerman, can I have a band-aid?"
Me: "What happened?"
Gumby: "I punched a locker."

"I don't like that class because I'm getting a D."

Overachiever: "Is there anything I can do to get my grade to a passing level?"
Me: "Um, you have a C average."
Overachiever: "I know. That's not passing."

"We're not going to do anything hard today, right? Cause it's Monday, so we shouldn't have to do anything."

Me: "So you have to divide everything by 2."
(pause)
Repeat, as writing it on the board.
Me: "You have to divide EVERYTHING by 2." Write EVERYTHING using only capital letters.
(shorter pause)
Me: "EVERYTHING." Underline EVERYTHING.
(look to see if the students have finished copying this down. almost)
Me: "EV. RY. THING."
With each syllable, point to each part of the problem. Knock on the board with your knuckle to give another sensory emphasis.
Me: "Not just over here. Not just over here. Everything."
(pause, make sure they have the "yea, we get it. quit repeating yourself" eye-glaze)
Me: "OK, so Valley Girl, what do you get when you divide everything by 2?"
(long pause)
Valley Girl: "Wait." (short pause) "Everything?"

"Sam, put away your cell phone."
(immediately) "Yea, I know."
(giggles amongst classmates)
Sam: "That's what sucks about you being a young teacher. You know what we're doing. I mean, the older teachers don't even know what texting is."

"Do I get extra credit? I was on time to class."
"Uhh... no..."
"Oh, come on! You're killin' me, Mr. Eyerman!"

*tsk* "Aw man Mr. Eyerman, I got in trouble for skipping your class yesterday."
"So... don't skip my class."
(pause) "Oh."

Sports Hangover

It's been a great time to be Boston sports fan. The Red Sox won the World Series. The Patriots went undefeated (*cough* - almost). Boston College had a great football season. The Celtics are on a tear. Even the Revolution made it to the MLS Finals.

However, the late scheduling of games (so that all you west coasters can get home from work first) has reeked havoc on the students' sleep cycles (which, no doubt, they don't do much to take care of themselves). Having the Red Sox' season continue through two rounds of playoffs and then the World Series, saw my students with blearier-than-usual eyes for the month of October.

The Patriots' success this season put them in the primetime game (either Sunday night or Monday night) several times. Go to bed before its conclusion? Nonsense! Why ever would I do that, Mr. Eyerman?

But today marked the end of that. With the NHL and NBA playoffs not slated to start for a few months, with the baseball season 2 months away, and with the Super Bowl completing the wonderfully IMperfect season, my students finally have the opportunity to get a full night's rest. We'll see, though, since American Idol is back.

However, being a New York fan (yes, Jets and Mets) and a Patriots' anti-fan (I root for the Jets and whoever's playing the Pats), I've taken my fair share of crap since September. The Mets went on their historic collapse. The Jets bumbled their way to a 4-12 season, losing twice to the Pats.
There have been few mornings sweeter than today, going in to room after room of bewildered and bemoaning Pats' fans. I compiled a list of excuses for the Pats' loss.
"Boston already scheduled the victory parade."
"My sister walked in the room, and then they gave up a touchdown."
"The New York bookies got to Brady."
"Belichick didn't wear the gray hoody. He sold out by wearing red."

Just another day in the logic of teenagers.