A Clash of Titans Idiots

Although the "March Madness" which stemmed from the NCAA basketball tournament is over, the madness at our school has spilled over well into April. With 24 days left for seniors, and 8 days until spring break, the "knuckleheads" (the polite term used by the administration) are in supreme knucklehead form.

Today that was brought front-and-center.

After an oh-so-exciting lecture on using completing the square to solve quadratic equations (yawn), I gave my 4th period class time to get started on their homework and ask questions while they worked. Standard operating procedure. I wandered from cluster to cluster of students as they got into the assignment.

And then...

I'm working with one student, and I hear a scuffle of some sorts so I look up. I see one senior, let's call him RJ, standing, and he pushes another senior, the Big Baby (a term used frequently by the vice principal when describing him), who is seated. It was quite a push, and the desk the Big Baby (who easily weighs 230 pounds) was sitting in fell to its side, with BB still in it.

BB, face beet red with embarrassment and anger, gets up and starts screaming at RJ, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!" and goes right after him. I try to get between them before anything happens, but am not successful. They try to throw some punches (uncoordinatedly, for sure) and over my shouting, end up in a heated melee. RJ is tall and has an athletic build, so this was no ticky-tack fight.

Eventually I'm able to get a good hold of RJ and pull him out of the fray. As I'm doing this, and RJ has stopped fighting, the Big Baby, still beet-red in the face, stands up holding RJ's foot. I shout at BB to let RJ's foot go, and eventually he does.

At this point, the two doors to the adjoining rooms have been opened, with the teachers from those two rooms standing in the doorway. My entire class (of 30) is speechless - staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the scene. One of the teachers (Smiley) takes RJ and puts him in his room for a minute before taking him down to the office, while I take care of BB.

The Big Baby proceeds to apologize for "fucking up your classroom" and calmly takes all the desks which had been moved around in the fracas and puts them back in their original spots. I walk him down to the office, and he repeatedly insists, "I'm cool, man. Whatever. No big deal."

Of course word of this fight spreads like wildfire throughout the school, and for the rest of the day, teachers and students were coming up to me and making comments.

Teacher: "Heard you had a little excitement this morning."

Student: "OK, Mr. Eyerman, tell me exactly what happened."
Me: "Did you hear the version of the story that involved the Uzi?"
Student: "What?!"
Me: "Yea, I brought out my gun to settle things down."

Female student (who was in the class): "I thought it was really funny, but I didn't want to laugh."
Me: "Funny?"
Another female student (also in the class): "Yea, I thought it was funny too..."
Me: "Sorry girls, I can't say I saw the humor in the situation." Except, of course, when the goof-ball Big Baby apologized for "fucking up the classroom" and calmly and neatly replaced all the desks.

Male student (who was in the class): "Mr. Eyerman, that was awesome!"
Me: "Yea?"
Student: "Yea, me and Chris were all about to jump in and help you, but we were all the way across the room..."
Me: "Uhh... k...."
I walked out of that last conversation chuckling to myself - man, I must have some serious street cred now.

On the serious side of this, a teacher told me that I shouldn't break up fights. I shouldn't "touch the student." When asked why, two reasons were given. For one, if I restrain one kid, and that gives the other a chance to wail on the one I've restrained, I could be held liable for either picking sides or "letting" one kid beat up the other. The other reason (equally dumb) is to protect myself from a kid saying, "Mr. Eyerman touched me..."
Apparently what I'm supposed to do is call the office or one of the designated members of the staff who has been trained in "Physical Restraint" so they can come in and break up the fight.
The reason I editorialize that the reasons are dumb is that if I do that, several bad things are bound to happen. One, the fight will continue, and one or both of the students involved, or even another student in the room, could get seriously hurt. Or school property (like the super-expensive heating system) damaged. Also, the school is pretty damn big. By the time I get the right phone number of someone on the list, call them, and they get to my room, plenty of time will have elapsed.
In addition, if I do nothing, how can I stand in front of the class the next day and have any sort of respect from the students? "Oh, Mr. Eyerman was there for us - he made a phone call." Puh-lease. Isn't it far better for my students to think, "Mr. Eyerman was there for us - he got involved and tried to break up a dangerous situation." Which do you think sounds better?
I understand the politics and the "cover-your-ass" spiel I've heard countless times by many veterans in education. But if I see a fight - particularly in a place I'm supposed to be managing - damn right I'm going to get involved to protect my students. Screw politics.

The two students were each suspended for a few days, and when they're back, of course they'll be sitting on opposite sides of the room, for the 18 or so days they have left in my classroom.

But I'm curious about tomorrow morning, when I have this class again. The fight happened right at the end of the period, so that class ended as I was escorting the Big Baby down to the office. Of course the students are going to make it a topic of conversation. I'm sure I will have to address it. I'm not really sure right now what I'm going to say. I know I will address it and have to put it to bed - I can't let the entire class get worked up over it again, and can't take the entire period tomorrow discussing the idiocy of two over-testosteroned 18-year olds.

Apparently the entire thing started because BB moved his desk and RJ's arm got pinched between two desks. Then a meathead conversation ensued. Something like:
"Hey, watch what you're doing!"
"Well, you shouldn't have your arm there."
"What the fuck? I'm sick of you."
"Yea? Well, what are you gonna do about it?"

Once again, yes, you can't make this stuff up.

"We work in a zoo."

Quipped the woman I share a classroom with.

There is a new "You can't make this shit up" story.

Here it is, as told to me by another member of my department, Mrs. Months.
"So this girl apparently used her phone to take a picture of her..." pause for effect, "...crotch and then proceeded to send it to 'a boy.' Now, we're not sure if this boy was her boyfriend or not, but it proceeded to spread like wildfire throughout the student body. There is a claim going around that it was her boyfriend, and one of his friends took his phone and sent it around before he could do anything. That part is unresolved."

I'm fortunate that I don't have this girl in class. I'm also fortunate I don't even know who this girl is. If that weren't the case, how could I possibly look at her in class and respond to her without this action coming to my mind? This is something most certainly that will follow her around for the rest of her high school career. Fast-forward two years to her senior prom.
Guy: "So you're taking her to the prom?"
Other guy: "Yea..."
Guy: "You know what she did?"

The above story exemplifies the insanity that has spread throughout the school in the past few weeks. There are countless more stories I could relate, but none of them compare to that one. No one is exempt - students or faculty - from the growing frustration and angst throughout the school. So I feel as if it's not my place to complain about students' erratic, lazy, or whiny behavior to my colleagues. However, someone said to me not too long ago - "Man, this is one of the worst years for student behavior that I can remember. And this must be doubly hard for you, having to still battle through your first year."

Earlier this week I decided to take a personal day on Friday. I was torn on this - I felt odd taking a day for myself. It felt so out of place to be that selfish, in a job where I'm responsible for 110 or so people. Where my absence, in a way, lets them down for a day. I'm not there for them. Granted, most of them upon walking in the door and seeing a sub, grin widely and let out a sigh of relief. Just as I did when I was in high school. It was nothing against my absent teacher, just that it meant a light period. Maybe there was some work to do, but there was no class lecture.

Still, it took me a while to accept the fact that it was in everyone's best interest for me to take that day to myself. It's easy to rationalize that if I'm not at my best, the problems will be magnified. Students will sense something is off, and when they act out, I will likely not respond in the most professional way. Or my lecture of new material will not be as clear as it would if I were fresh. But however it can be rationalized, the feeling of guilt that stems from putting my own wants before my students' (particularly for someone who has made a concerted effort, for years, to be more considerate of others' feelings, wants, needs...) is hard to shake.

Once that decision was made, I was hoping the week would be easier to deal with, because I knew that I was there only through Thursday. However...
Wednesday morning the bipolar head-case star athlete of the school, who I had issue with the first day of school, and who later transferred out of my class, transferred into my SAT Prep class.

I berated two of my classes Thursday morning because they have chosen the typical teenage path of whining and complaining over studying and earnest effort. I basically told them that although they think the end of the year is near, things are going to get harder. The math we're going to be working on is going to get more complicated, and the concepts I am going to take for granted they have mastered is going to continue to grow. Clearly that applies to me as well - the rest of my year is not going to get easier... nay, the challenges I will face will continue to grow and become more complex, building on the knowledge the first 7 months of this job have taught me.

In any case, the third term of the school year ended yesterday. 45 days left.