Coming to Terms

Probably the most unexpected part of my first week was coming face-to-face with my high school self. Within the first three days of school I noticed that I reacted to the same groups of students as a teacher that I did when I was a student: the over-testosteroned football players, the know-it-all bookworms, the party-goers, the artsy-fartsy kids, the kids from rough backgrounds. I found my inner self cringing, flinching, resenting, fearing, or looking down on those groups just as I did when I was 16.

Of course it was easy to rationalize that I was no longer a high school student, that my last day of high school was over 10 years ago, and that I have had worlds of experience and growth since then. More importantly, I realized that if I expect to lead a classroom, or have any success as a leader of teenagers, I need to get over any personal issues I may have with each of those groups. If I were to let those issues remain inside me, they would grow, and would eventually cause real (likely irrevocable) damage to my teaching career. This was one snowball I absolutely needed to stop rolling down the mountain before it was even formed.

It's natural to draw on what experiences one has when entering a new environment. Being in a high school again, no matter how long it had been since I was last in that environment, and regardless of the new role I was in, I found myself mentally and emotionally brought back to that age.

Fortunately, it didn't take that long for me to get over myself, and come to terms with the gaping difference between the 2007 and the 1995 versions of me. It is very apparent, halfway into the school year, that I am able to reach out to all different groups of student, which I am very proud of.

But it added a depth of experience to all my teachers and what they very likely went through when they first entered that arena. I'm glad I'm past that, and although I still find I struggle at times to define myself as a teacher, a role model, and an adviser (and all those other roles I previously mentioned), I am happy to report that I am able to react evenly to all my students. It's been quite an internal (and sometimes, external) battle, and this is just the beginning of my education.